If my daughter doesn't text me back after about 30 seconds, I think she is either tied to a tree in the park or put in a sack somewhere and I have no way to help.
And when I say something in public, a moment later I will question what i said and regret I even said anything.
The worst part is that I believe my thoughts.
Our first reaction to things comes from a learned habit from childhood. It is our history and has nothing to do with the present moment.
My habit is to doubt myself . That is my default.
I have learned to recognize it, to know it closely and get intimate with it so when it comes up I know to welcome it, acknowledge it and then let it go.
Last night I texted my daughter Ruth at around 1:15am asking her if she was on the way home. She did not text back. I was prepared. I told myself that now the fear and doubt will come; then the picture of her suffering ....blah blah.....I turned the light off and went back to sleep.
When I woke up again at 6:00am I had a text : " Hi mama, I am here, in bed. Love you"
What's your habit or worry you bring from childhood?
Happy Monday!
Yael
Leave a comment